Photo by Daniel Cubillas
It is completely official now: I have put in my resignation at the old job, and I am about to begin my new job over at Compucast in Metairie, LA. I am incredibly excited about this new opportunity, and the family and I have greatly missed city life. But as we go through all of the transition to move into a new place (and we’ve got a baby on the way soon), I’ve been thinking about the myth of the linear life plan.
In the States, we go through elementary, middle and high school, and then a lot of us go on to some sort of secondary schooling like a trade school or a university. By the time we graduate from that initial level of schooling (not including master’s degrees or anything like that), we’re somewhere in the 19-23 yrs old range. Maybe some of us take a little or a lot longer to get there, but in any case, we’re still pretty young. And then… find your career. Find that job that you may spend the rest of your life doing. No pressure, right?
This blog entry focuses primarily on career, so I’m not even going to touch all of the uncertainty and craziness that goes along with dating and relationships and all of that other stuff. You’ll have to look somewhere else for that discussion.
Coming out of school, I was actually a pretty focused individual. I found a job in music ministry, and I was out of my mind with a feeling of accomplishment. My education and preparation had culminated in this amazing victory! Then, I had to figure out how to do this job day in and day out. I learned a lot, and there were aspects of my job that I absolutely loved. I had the opportunity to play with a number of talented musicians, and I made key friendships that still influence who I am today. But somewhere along the way, I and my boss realized that this job wasn’t working out for me.
Making the transition out of the career that I had spent so long working towards was difficult. I was disillusioned, and I found myself a job that paid the bills. This job had nothing to do with career; it was just a place to lick my wounds. During that time, I played in a band and tried to be the rock star that I imagined when I was a kid, but it turns out that playing gigs requires a lot of salesmanship and preparation! I failed miserably at playing the band manager and PR guy, and the band didn’t end up playing in any stadiums. I had a blast playing the gigs that we did get, but we didn’t get very far. (I should mention, my need for “measurable success” also proved to be an enemy through a number of these ventures.)
Anyway, I found another ministry job, and I was sure that this was the solution that I had been looking for all along. I was a little bit older now, and age always maturity, right? Once again, there were some beautiful moments in working with this church. I’ve been to Mexico three times to build houses, and those moments of handing over the keys to impoverished families are some of the memories that I will always treasure. I also built friendships during this time that are incredibly important to me. (Elsewhere on this blog, you can find art from Ryan Morris, one of those good friends.)
My second foray into ministry proved to be a real crossroads. I was completely worn out and frustrated, and my efforts weren’t turning out the type of results that I had desired. The simple fact of the matter is that I am not wired for ministry. I do not have that ongoing passion for people and the consistent selflessness that is required. It’s just not there. No matter how much energy I willed up, it simply evaporated.
Fast forward. I start playing around with website coding. I need a marketable skill to find a decent job, so I teach myself from a book using one-hour lessons. I apply to a part-time job knowing that I am likely not qualified for the position, but the new workplace is willing to give me a shot. And they want me to work full-time.
Now I am about to start a new job as a “seasoned” coder. Wacky.
I do not normally use this blog to discuss my faith, but this subject cannot be discussed without mentioning it. I had a plan for my life that grew out of my experiences (Dad’s a pastor) and my devotion to God. I think God used me during that time, and I was able to witness some amazing things. But I never felt completely at peace. For the first time, I have that peace, and it is much more than just a moment of happiness. I find that the natural gifts that God gave me fit with my passions and my career.
I would love to say that I am smart enough to have discovered all of this on my own in a clear linear fashion, but the fact is that I ended up completely confused far more times than I would have liked. I believe that only prayer and a relationship with God kept me sane as He led me through each stage of the journey. I certainly would have loved a more linear path with less difficulties along the way, but I can see all of the growth in each major struggle I faced.
It’s a wacky journey, but I know I am not alone. And that companionship – in my relationships with my family, my community, and my Lord – brings more peace than I can say.
